Me: It wasn’t on purpose.
Paul: Yes it was; it just wasn’t your purpose.
I don’t really like surprises. Strange because the best parts of my life have been surprises.
Surprise #1: Paul. I never expected to meet him that night at the bar. I never expected the flowers on my car while I was in class, nor his relentless pursuit until he kissed me that night in Austin. I never expected his proposal that Christmas Day. I never thought we’d be where we are today; almost five years of marriage have yielded many more surprises.
Surprise #2: Ellie. During my last semester in college, I realized that my true vocation is to be a mother, I just never knew how quickly that would become a reality. Nine months and two days after our wedding day, Ellie was born. To say she was a surprise would be an understatement as we navigated our first year of married life pregnant and then with a newborn.
Surprise #3: Katie. After Ellie was born, we were happy. Complete. Or so we thought. We were “one and done.” No more kids, we said. She turned one. Still content. She turned two. No desire for more kids; my friends are all crazy. She turned two and a half. Maaaaaybe she’d benefit from a sibling? So we took the plunge. Katie was not a surprise; the fact that we realized we wanted another child was.
Surprise #4: Micro. Our two little girls sure made life beautiful. Ellie started preschool and dance. She turned four. Katie spent her days trying to act like a four-year-old. We bought a bigger house and had fun watching it get built. The day after moving in, I took a pregnancy test. Positive. And that’s where we are today. Unexpectedly pregnant with our third child, the biggest surprise of all.
I didn’t take the news very well. Katie isn’t even one year old, and I had plans for a calm, full life with our two girls in our new home. A third child is not part of what I envisioned. This was not part of the plan. As I struggled to accept that God has bigger plans for our family, God was already working on helping me realize that everything is going to be ok. I felt overwhelmed by change. Worried that I wouldn’t be able to be a good enough mom to three. I thought the timing was terrible.
But God knew what He was doing. Ellie had Vacation Bible School this week, and the theme was (fittingly) “Trust in God.” She came home singing “Nothing is impossible… trusting God and leaving our fears behind.” Ok, God. I hear you. The timing actually was ok. I realized that although I was overwhelmed by change, it would’ve been even harder to accept this pregnancy after settling into my new routine instead of it just being another part of the change. I still don’t know how I’m going to effectively mother three kids, but I’ll figure something out when the time comes. We just bought a bigger house. We have the space and the resources to lovingly care for and raise three kids. We will be fine.
God may have given me many surprises, but they have always been blessings. Micro surely will be a blessing too, no matter how much he or she was not part of my plan. There’s a saying that I’ve always been fond of: “if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” While I am not a super-organized Type-A planner, I do need to know what’s coming next, and being married to an engineer has made me a little more of a planner than I used to be… not to mention my dislike of surprises.
So this is me, making God laugh, and trying to trust in His perfect plan and perfect timing.